iBirth

OrangeMercury: WORLD AIDS DAY 2007Queen 1977

2007-11-29T20:16:00.000-05:00

OrangeMercury: WORLD AIDS DAY 2007
Queen 1977

That kick-in-the-ass

2006-10-28T12:47:00.000-04:00

scared again

2006-09-22T11:54:00.000-04:00

An open letter:

I don't know if you know, but I'm dying over here. I don't understand the relationship with you and S. I'm wondering if I was a convenient rebound, since you did tell me that about a week to ten days went by from the time you left him until you met me. And you told me you were in that relationship for way too long, and that it always involved "extra-curricular" company in the bedroom. And that's not getting near the drugs and alcohol, and how you told me you were in that relationship for, at least, two years too long. So what's the scoop?

You posted on Craig's List. You were thinking south of the border. I looked at Craig's List that particular Saturday because the Brazilian wanted nothing to do with me, and Marjory's mother's funeral was that morning, and I was one raw nerve. So I answered a bunch of Craig's List ads...I wanted to be with anyone, I didn't care who. And your ad was amongst them. It was Sept 10, 6:32p when you responded. Here's your response and my initial contact. Of course I still have them both.

here it is. Looking to get together tonight? ***** (how's that for Irish?)
I wrote:
45
Irish Italian
190lbs
5'10"
considered handsome.
HIV neg.
vers.
prefer to travel.
Waterbury.
thanks.
photo?
appreciate.
regards.

and by sometime by 8:30p, I knew my life had changed.

Funny. You never told S. about me, keeping the doors open for the books. OK, I can almost understand that. But how, over the summer, could you think of inviting him, someone you broke up with (I'm not even sure he's a keyholder) to spend a long holiday weekend with you months in advance. When he wasn't good for you in the first place? Those were your words, not mine.

I have an eye, you know. And a nose. My nose smells what my eyes feel, and it wasn't nearly a fuck 'n run. The next day was Sept 11, and I wanted to be alone, but found myself not being able to stop talking to you.

You made a huge mistake on the phone that first conversation. You laughed. And you kept on laughing. Even when I was being my "tough as nails" rude and disinterested self, you found even that funny.

I wish you found me funny now, and I wish you would have the courage to ask me in again. I told you it was a strange time in my life, and you were the beacon.

The beacon is blue now, and there are 12 of them, I counted.

Be courageous and say fuck it. There is a thin line between love and hate, and the opposite of hate is really fear, and I know you are afraid. You can say or do anything you want but I know you are afraid. As I am. You don't want to relinquish control because you don't want to be under my spell. And I don't want to relinquish control because I don't want to be under your spell.

All I know is I am under your spell, and I'm going to move ever-so-cautiously because I want us to move towards each other, and not away.

And I know it's you I want a monogamous relationship with, for the rest of my/our days. And I've never wanted that so badly.

All I can do now is pray and let life go where it's gonna.

Texas|Just Say a Prayer

All I see is the truth now
That's all I want you to know
That I'll never turn my back on you
And leave you out there on your own
I could never hide my feelings
I could never let you fall
And I want you to remember
All the love that I've found
Oh, I say a prayer
A prayer for you
Oh, for you
I could never make a promise
I'd only break it in the end
Then you're looking for the answers
You'd never trust in me again
I could never watch you suffer
I could never let you down
And I hope you soon discover
All the truth that I've now found
Oh, I say a prayer
A prayer for you
Oh, for you
Oh, I say a prayer
A prayer for you
Oh, for you

The Orange Spotlight shines on...

2006-09-14T18:35:00.000-04:00

But if you give us a chance, we can perform. After all, Ginger Rogers did everything that Fred Astaire did. She just did it backwards and in high heels.

Enjoy the entire speech.

One year later...

2006-09-08T15:18:00.000-04:00

One word: BLURB.

So many lyrics in my head.
So many songs...
So many images...
And my voice is stronger,
inner, and projected.
And my vision is clearer,
and with a razor-sharp focus.
You, however, will never know.

Whatever happened to taking a risk?
Better that, than nothing at all.

words like violence
break the silence. - Depeche Mode

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give. - Depeche Mode

Getaway - TEXAS

Just stop you know you can't deny
Just stop you know there's no reply
I've heard it all don't say that
Just stop and tell me it's goodbye

Don't you understand
What I'm saying
We never gave ourselves the chance

You know I gotta getaway
Run leave you behind
Oh I'll go slowly
So sad to leave this time
The ring you were holding
Has hit the floor
And I can't live in this house
With you no more

This time I know you’ll hesitate
Deep down you hope it's not too late
You've said it all except goodbye
I think it's time that you should try

Don't you understand
What I'm saying
We never gave ourselves the chance

Because I know
I still loved you
And I can't stay another day

Getaway
You know I gotta getaway
Getaway
You know I gotta getaway

2006-05-25T19:29:00.000-04:00

Memorial Day.
The "unofficial start of summer."
That one day when Mickey + Larry always take the top off the pool.
Its meaning is something else, entirely.
Not just hot dogs, barbecues, and "pass the ketchup."

Quite literally,
born on the Fourth of July.
And they called it "a necessary delay."

I rather like this photograph,
which took me some time to locate.
Dignified. Contextual.
And very, very brave.
And not some "nameless soldier."

Happy Mother's Day

2006-05-14T16:52:00.000-04:00

Here's your present, Mom.
If you only knew how many times I've read this site.
I can't say it works.
I can't say it doesn't.

I'm just saying this date was inconvenient to my calendar.
I had it all planned out.
The pills, the booze, the place, the knife.

Slaylist:
In Your Room|Depeche Mode

In your room
Where time stands still
Or moves at your will
Will you let the morning come soon
Or will you leave me lying here
In your favourite darkness
Your favourite half-light
Your favourite consciousness
Your favourite slave

In your room
Where souls disappear
Only you exist here
Will you lead me to your armchair
Or leave me lying here
Your favourite innocence
Your favourite prize
Your favourite smile
Your favourite slave

I’m hanging on your words
Living on your breath
Feeling with your skin
Will I always be here

In your room
Your burning eyes
Cause flames to arise
Will you let the fire die down soon
Or will I always be here
Your favourite passion
Your favourite game
Your favourite mirror
Your favourite slave

I’m hanging on your words
Living on your breath
Feeling with your skin
Will I always be here

Madonna: The Confessions Tour 2006

2006-04-22T11:48:00.000-04:00

Madonna Hits Hartford!

Kinda sucks, and doesn't, simultaneously.
KAS called it quits, so I don't have a date.
That's kinda exciting, though...
I'll go with someone.

But who?

The Day the Music Thrived.

2006-04-20T21:35:00.000-04:00

Remembering Freddie Mercury.

I can thank a soldier.

2006-03-14T17:58:00.000-05:00

For the third time in as many weeks, BGA wanted to send me to the hospital.
Either I'm getting that desperate, am that desperate or am that crafty.

So I admit to being a total fag.
Instead of slitting my wrists|veins as was my plan, I came home
and put on fag disco from the first Black Party in 1981.

What I really like about The Saint is that both
Mapplethorpe and Mercury went there.
Who's to say we didn't meat?

Oh, and why I can thank a soldier, in this case, directly.
Because I think of the needless lives lost
in this stupid-fucking war.
And if I'd swap mine with even one,
then I owe it to that soldier to carry on.
End of story. Now go.

Just like death.
End of story.

I'll take you to para-dice...
Chas Jankel|Paradise

The First Music Video

2006-03-03T16:08:00.000-05:00

The News. Edited. DAMN THE CHINESE.

2006-02-21T07:48:00.000-05:00

Everyone's fav white anchor, AC, engaged in some interesting "crosstalk" with Erica Hill last night on, what else? 360! At issue was the cat with the 31" waist from China.

As their banter ended, AC and EH started discussing their obvious love for "chocolate." AC actually referenced "dark chocolate" and started down the road of no return. Yeah, they went there, for about 15 seconds. The transcript, however, is quite different. I wonder if someone TIVO'd the moment?

From CNN/Transcripts for AC:

And this is a real cat. Talk about living large -- very large -- in China. This 9-year-old tips the scales at 33 pounds, boasts of waist of 31 inches. But this guy needs a little help getting around. The cat's owner actually has to help him climb into bed, and even wraps the cat in his very own blanket.

(LAUGHTER)

HILL: Gives him a little bit...

COOPER: Oh, my God.

HILL: Look at that. Isn't that insane?

(LAUGHTER)

COOPER: Oh, my God.

HILL: He eats six pounds of chicken a day, Anderson.

COOPER: It was that last picture that did it for me, the one where...

(LAUGHTER)

COOPER: ... he's holding it.

HILL: I know.

COOPER: Thirty-one-inch waist?

HILL: Yes.

COOPER: Man.

HILL: That's bigger than my waist, all right? Like, come on.

(LAUGHTER)

HILL: It's like a balloon with legs.

COOPER: Oh, man.

(LAUGHTER)

COOPER: Oy. Good lord.

HILL: Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

COOPER: Put that cat on a diet.

(LAUGHTER)

COOPER: All right. Erica, thanks.

And here is why we all need to boycott anything from China.
QuickTime. Please watch. And do something.

(NOTE: This is NOT for the faint of heart. http://www.petatv.com/tvpopup/video.asp?video=trent_fur&Player=qt&speed=_med).

ANY cat living in China is damned. And don't get me started on the dogs.

Why Disco Matters

2006-02-20T19:34:00.000-05:00

Every now and then, I stumble across something which resonates deeply in my soul. If you weren't there, you'll never know. And while Studio + The Saint really were the pinnacles, sometimes it really never mattered where you polished the parquet, just that you did! Let's see how far I can go: The Club, Dash 23, Partners, The Warehouse, Backstreet, Ryan's, Club 27 (?), Emerald City (thanks, I!), Studio 54, Danceteria, The Palladium, The Saint (thanks, Bob!), Birds, Maxie's, The Brook, The Dungeon, 1235, Ice Palace (yep, I'm that old!), Casablanca. Umm, if there was a club in Waterbury, New Haven, Hartford, Westport, Danbury, New York City, Boston, Philly, Syracuse, DC and points in between, I was probably there at some point.

The first song I remember dancing to was something by KC and the Sunshine Band. Little did I realize then I would work for his photographer, but in a twist of irony, never meet KC himself. But I met Thelma Houston! That was at ESP (?) in South Beach. Oh, and I did me that crazy guy from Disco Tex and the Sex-o-lettes. Never saw Grace Jones ANYWHERE (although I missed an evening of dancing at Club Nu/South Beach when she pulled a 3am appearance just to dance! Thanks Kyle!) I'll have to update this when I remember who I did see and what they sang. True, they were paraded out of the closet long after the music died, but still, did it really? Oh, I will confess to seeing Sister Sledge at Oakdale. Yep. I'm gay.
Yeah, I'll admit to being a white boy who loves disco.
Thank God for small the small stuff.
I wonder where I'd be if not for all those nights when, truly,
"a dj saved my life."

I'll never forget the image of Bob B. in the booth at Birds,
stooped down, pouring through the "disco singles",
sneaks, heavy socks, cargo shorts, and a tank top,
like only he could wear.

God rest you, Bob.

Irony?

2006-02-20T07:55:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I scream about typos. Pretty much all day.
And I find myself very sorry about the turn of events.

Madonna - Sorry

Homeroom. Bedroom.

2006-02-19T19:07:00.000-05:00

I really have to write that story about HOMEROOM.
I mean, the whole fuckin' thing is written in my head but what good is that going to do when I get hit by lightning?

I can't believe how much I'm freaking out over Special K. (Yeah, and for you losers, here's a note: NOT THAT TYPE!)
He went to PTown on that ill-fated "wanna go on vacation?" vacation and, as fate would have it, I'm sick TWICE.
Hep and Flu. THANKS!

It's not a matter of right or wrong.
It's just establishing a comfort zone.

And I am not comfortable at the moment.
Well, besides the various illnesses I'm harboring.

Sunday with the guys...

2006-02-19T11:26:00.000-05:00

Damn. Had I only known...

We Can Dream, Can't We?

2006-02-15T20:03:00.000-05:00

What more can anyone say?
(after they say "World Noose Now" there's a computer glitch in this file.
Sorry. I couldn't recut this video piece. It's not your computer!)

Damned if I do. Damned if I do.

2006-02-14T21:20:00.000-05:00

I did.
And I am damned.
Sometimes even having a book, or a guide, does no good.
Today was one of those days.
Would I, though, have been able to find the book just when I needed it?

WHAT is Larry King's cardiologist doing on his show?
And is he paid? After all, it's free advertising.

I need a cardiologist.
I know my heart is broken.
And I think I broke one tonight.

Whywhywhywhywhy?

What do I do now?
I'm so lost...

Danger v. Acceptance?

2006-02-13T21:51:00.000-05:00

I found out yesterday/today that "it" has a name.
In one manner, I'm relieved to find out I'm not the only one.
In another way, I'm terrified to think I'm part of a very select group
(less than 1%).

OK.
So when you realize what it is, that's half the battle, right?

Wrong.

It's only the start.

Monday finds you like a bomb
that's been left ticking there too long...
Eurythmics.

Hey. HEY!
Save my world. Today!
There's so little time left.

Once in a while,

2006-02-05T10:01:00.000-05:00

something comes back from my past,
and haunts me.

What's sad about this is the life I had and knew back then
is not only gone, but barely remembered.
Sadder, still, is that most of the people are dead.
How this resonated then, resonates now.
Thanks for the referral to Donnie Darko.
You know who you are.

Tears For Fears
Mad World
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tommorow, no tommorow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

Which Way to Go?

2006-01-31T11:02:00.000-05:00

The Year of the Dog and I feel as if I would be better suited taking up residence in a doghouse.

God help Bob Woodruff.

2006-01-29T13:21:00.000-05:00

ABC ought to be ashamed of itself.
I have attached a screenshot of what ABC currently has as their "welcome" screen.
Wow. Clearly not a "news" network.

God help Bob Woodruff, his cameraman (I'm ashamed I don't know his name as readily. If he's ok to transmit for Bob Woodruff, I'm sure he is no slouch), everyone else for the good in Iraq, the young woman presently being held by kidnappers, and everyone else, everywhere else similarly burdened by the lack of peace + harmony in the world.

It's the year of the dog, and I'll send out my thoughts to dogs everywhere to pull their collective survival instincts for the sake of Bob and his cameraman (David Vogt; I just googled it.)

In all fairness, I am also posting a comparison of CNN.com's latest portal.

Grace, and godspeed.

Queen: Live Killers 2006 edition

2006-01-24T21:26:00.000-05:00

I would torque this slightly prior to completion.

Happy 60th Birthday, Freddie!

2006-01-24T20:27:00.000-05:00

I'm getting ready, I don't know about anyone else!

Happy Birthday, Fred!

Blood running cold.

2006-01-22T20:53:00.000-05:00

It should be. I don't read. I don't write. Well, nearly as much as I should be.
And I wouldn't know what to do about organization if it came with instructions.
I'm being pushed further and further away, even though I'm being asked to come closer at the same time.
I cannot deal with the tears.
What if there were really something to shed tears over?
What did Truman say? More tears over answered prayers than unanswered prayers?
That's frightening. And true.

Every now and then, someone other than Freddie, George, Annie + Dave, and Dave write something brilliant.

Miss Sarajevo
U2

Is there a time for keeping your distance
A time to turn your eyes away
Is there a time for keeping your head down
For getting on with your day

Is there a time for kohl and lipstick
A time for cutting hair
Is there a time for high street shopping
To find the right dress to wear

Here she comes
Heads turn around
Here she comes
To take her crown

Is there a time to run for cover
A time for kiss and tell
Is there a time for different colours
Different names you find it hard to spell

Is there a time for first communion
A time for East 17
Is there a time to turn to Mecca
Is there time to be a beauty queen

Here she comes
Beauty plays the clown
Here she comes
Surreal in her crown

Dici che il fiume
Trova la via al mare
E come il fiume
Giungerai a me
Oltre i confini
E le terre assetate
Dici che come fiume
Come fiume...
L'amore giungerà
L'amore...
E non so più pregare
E nell'amore non so più sperare
E quell'amore non so più aspettare

[Translation of the above]
You say that the river
finds the way to the sea
and like the river
you will come to me
beyond the borders
and the dry lands
You say that like a river
like a river...
the love will come
the love...
And i don't know how to pray anymore
and in love i don't know how to hope anymore
and for that love i don't know how to wait anymore

[End of Translation]

Is there a time for tying ribbons
A time for Christmas trees
Is there a time for laying tables
And the night is set to freeze

They Saved The World Today, and every day.

2006-01-18T19:00:00.000-05:00

Seldom is there such a brilliant song and video, by one of the most amazing duos in music history.
This hardly received the play it warranted.

Eurythmics Lyrics

Eurythmics Music Video Codes

Music Video Codes by VideoCure.com

Volume: A Book of Photographs

2006-01-11T23:39:00.000-05:00

Finally. And this came to me in a dream also...
This is 12" x 1" x 12" with 6" flaps, front and back.
It will contain 50 photographs, and will be published by Apple's iPhoto's book publishing arm.
I would like a grey linen (dark grey?) cover, and I will have the dust jacket, as shown, printed professionally.

The next one will be "Volume Too" and will be the final in the series, with another 50 photographs.

Hopefully, I will also publish a limited edition box set, with two prints, one black/white and the other color,
in a slipcase.

Hell. Who needs Twin Palms!

Thoughts?

The Royal Family.

2006-01-07T22:37:00.000-05:00

Who knew I was a member?
All these years, I just loved them, and now it's grown to almost three decades (next November),
and I just find out that those of us dedicated to "doing anything" to see them live, every show,
every tour, and those who would travel (New Haven, Hartford, Syracuse) to see them,
were members of a hard-core group know as "the Royal Family."

Thank God I was never known as a "deadhead." I am a quite dedicated Dead Can Dance fan,
but first, and foremost, I am a member of The Royal Family.

Since I own the domain name "killerqueen.com" I would suppose that places me in a place of special mention.

Queen. Freddie Mercury.

God Save.

Why?

2006-01-06T01:19:00.000-05:00

Why?
Why?
Why? (tell me)
Why?
-Annie Lennox. Live 8.

Hep B. I hope. Really. It could have been liver cancer. Or pancreatic cancer. Or HIV+. Or. Or. Or. Or I could have been killed in some bizarre manner. Or I could have tried to off myself. And have succeeded.

Do you know what I feel?
Do you know what I fear?
These are the words so seldom said.
These are the contents of my head.
Why?

Everybody's looking for someone.
Some of them want to use you.
Some of them want to abuse you.
Some of them want to be abused.
Everybody's looking for something.
-Eurythmics. Sweet Dreams.

I've got a life.
It ain't over.
It ain't over.
-Eurythmics. I've Got a Life. 2005.

So HOSTEL opens today. Well, it opened, I'm sure, 17 minutes ago in NYC. I'd have loved to have been there. I doubt highly Special K will take me to see it, although I told him he owes me because I sat with his sister and her family through a dreadful SCARY POTTER on Thanksgiving night. It didn't work when SAW II hit the screens because for some reason I was seriously broke and doubt I even had gas money if I recall (and I think I recall correctly.) So I never saw SAW II. And now it's coming out on DVD on Valentine's 2006. Kiss kiss. Love you too! At least the dumb clerk (is there any other kind?) at KMart mis-rang (or was it mis-sku'ed?) the Special Edition of SAW for a whopping $8.99 when the MSRP was somewhere in the neighborhood of $28.99. Sucks to be me. Frank even said "that always happens to you. You're always finding either the cheapest price, or the mis-ring an item, and you get it cheaper." Yeah. And I shouldn't be buying it in the first place.

So what are my predictions for 2006? I didn't really have any time to make any.
Although I have had plenty of time to think.

My book has a title: Volume.
And it has a format (12" x 12" x 1.5") or thereabouts. I have to have the hardcover size, and consider the page size, which is going to be 10" x 10". And it's going to be 1" thick, but the hardcovers take up some size. I should have 50 photographs. No more. No less. That way there can, legitimately be Volume Too. And that'll be 100.

Century Gothic rules. Especially at 100pt. Or 72pt. Slim + sexy.

Like me. Well, slim, but not sexy. I'm sure my waist is down to a 30". And my weight hovers at 170lbs. Probably for the first time since college.

Ms. IS is somewhere in New Mexico or some crazy place like that. And still single. I wonder about all that. Did we all really find our true loves in 1980? I found mine. He's alive, thankfully. Father of two. Still married to the same woman. Living somewhere in the USA. And yeah, it was a Brokeback Moment. Except mine never went away. I don't think his did either. And I doubt she knows.

But I remember. And still feel.

But things change. Rather, time passes. And now a love story I know is sharing screens with chainsaws I'd never wield, running from demons I'll never fathom.

Three wishes. Watch what you wish four. It's in there somewhere. I'm hoping it'll come to me in my sleep, like my new logo.

I remember the strange vacuum of time when I never danced. It was strange. Somewhere between 1988 - 1992, even into 1995. And then I found out the music died. And now it's 1986, or thereabouts, all over again. Depeche (Precious. Pain That I'm Used To.) Dave + Annie (Boxed. I've Got A Life.) Even Madge (Hung Up.) Pretty soon, it'll be ABBA all over again. I already think men in the genpop (general population) will be wearing (thanks, Freddie!) black nail lacquer on their left hands only. Is is Martin Gore who was wearing it in the PRECIOUS video?

Videos. DAMN! if HUNG UP isn't a smash to the eyeballs. As VOGUE is to dance and black + white, I think HUNG UP is to dance and color. Nightclubs have that magical lighting where you glimpse everything in a jump cut.

Music.
Makes the people.
Come.
Together.
-Madonna. Music. Live 8.

What really makes me laugh is that Freddie never had to say "I can't hear you!" or anything solicitous. He just roared.
And we all roared back.

I actually watched Freddie + The Boys' LIVE AID performance. Again. Today. And it brought tears to my eyes. Again. Today.

To think, in November 1977, I was less than 6' from the diamond-marquis leotard and black leather jacket.
Rocking New Haven.

It just never got any better than that.

Thanks, Freddie. (and I SO HATE when people make a typo on your name. I mean, really!)

Oh. And one more thing.
Robbie Williams. Live 8.
I'd like to be that happy at some point in my life. If that guy just doesn't radiate pure happiness, who ever would?
Freddie had power, and he had a great time.
But Robbie just looks so fuckin' happy.

Grace.
I'm re-posting you tonight. Better color.

Gotta find your QT movie.

My two previous buddies.

2005-12-21T23:28:00.000-05:00

Each in their own way,
kept me sane.
One more so than the other...

"every boy needs a dog.
and a mother who will let them have one..."
anonymous

My one true love.

2005-12-21T23:16:00.000-05:00

Truly, you have never known love in its purest form until you have known the love of a rescued, retired greyhound.
I owe my life to this canine, and I was honored to be her caretaker for the years we had together.
Not a day goes by when she is not with me.

Grace.
Thank you still, for too many things, innumerable to mention.
It's been a haul since October 6, 2003 when you went on to the dog park in the sky.
But I know you are still here.

I can't wait to see you again.
Thank you for your love, even from beyond.

Queen: 1980 from Jazz

2005-12-21T22:57:00.000-05:00

Don't Try Suicide
Written by Freddie Mercury.
Sung by Freddie Mercury.

A one two three four one
Yeah
O.k.
Don't do it don't try it baby
Don't do that don't don't don't
Don't do that
You got a good thing going now
Don't do it don't do it
Don't

Don't try suicide
Nobody's worth it
Don't try suicide
Nobody cares
Don't try suicide
You're just gonna hate it
Don't try suicide
Nobody gives a damn

So you think it's the easy way out
Think you're gonna slash your wrists
This time
Baby when you do it all you do is
Get on my tits
Don't do that try try try baby
Don't do that - you got a good thing going now
Don't do it don't do it - don't

Don't try suicide
Nobody's worth it
Don't try suicide
Nobody cares
Don't try suicide
You're just gonna hate it
Don't try suicide
Nobody gives a damn

You need help
Look at yourself you need help
Yeah
You need life
So don't hang yourself
It's o.k. o.k. o.k. o.k.
You just can't be a prick teaser all of the time
A little bit of attention - you got it
Need some affection - you got it
Hey, suicide suicide suicide bid
Suicide suicide suicide bid huh
Suicide

Hey, don't do it don't do it don't do it babe
Yeah, don't do it don't do it don't - do it
Hey, yeah, don't put your neck on the line
Don't drown on me babe
Blow your brains out -
Don't do that - yeah
Don't do that - you've got a good thing going baby
Don't do it (no) don't do it (no) - don't

Don't try suicide
Nobody's worth it
Don't try suicide
Nobody cares
Don't try suicide
You're just gonna hate it
Don't try suicide
Nobody gives - nobody gives
Nobody gives a damn
O.k.

Honky Chateau: Elton John 1972

2005-12-21T22:55:00.002-05:00

I Think I'm Going To Kill Myself
Music by Elton John
Lyrics by Bernie Taupin

I'm getting bored
Being part of mankind
There's not a lot to do no more
This race is a waste of time

People rushing everywhere
Swarming around like flies
Think I'll buy a forty four
Give them all a surprise

Think I'm gonna kill myself
Cause a little suicide
Stick around for a couple of days
What a scandal if I died

Yeah I'm gonna kill myself
Get a little headline news
I'd like to see what the papers say
On the state of teenage blues

A rift in my family
I can't use the car
I gotta be in by ten o'clock
Who do they think they are

I'd make an exception
If you want to save my life
Brigitte Bardot gotta come
And see me every night

Today is the Last Day of the Rest of My Life

2005-12-20T08:59:00.000-05:00

A little coercion goes a long way. If it wasn't for the Rh factor, I'd have done the deed last night. Amazing how so many are ready to blame everything and anyone but themselves. I'm beyond being called names and curse words. Hell, I grew up that way. Reminds me of the time I didn't get the job at T. Press (Printing?) because I was the one who caught someone else's typos on a phone number. Yeah, that's a problem. I suppose it's worse than having 10,000 brochures go to press. But hey! Who am I?

So here I am doing anything and everything I can to get people to do their best, and what do I hear? How work is busy. How my house burned down. How my grandmother "just" got cancer. Or my mom. Or my grandfather (all five of them!) "just" had a heart attack. I don't have a computer. I don't have the programs. I don't have a brain. I don't have an idea. I wasn't listening. I didn't care. Go fuck yourself. I'd have more respect for people who would tell me to fuck myself than I would for some lame excuse. Over the course of three months, no one could do anything. And, of course, it was me.

I was so depressed last night I really thought about the pills again. And what stopped me the last time. Well, it wasn't that anything stopped me the last time because I did swallow all 120 of those .5 milligram babies. I got scared that I would end up a vegetable, and, with my luck, a brussel sprout, or corn (ugh!) Something I avoid like the plague.

And I am no different than anyone. I have the same insecurities and self-doubt. Only I have a job and I do my best to do it. Only to be thwarted all the way.

And the other one. I don't know. I'm seeing the benefits, but I am feeling the sting. It is becoming harder and harder with him, and at this point, I don't see any "plus" to the relationship. Sure, I feel great in his company, and I don't have to be "on" but whining? No, no, no, no, no. How about getting a backbone? How about getting to the point? How about NOT using the double M.S. degrees on me, and how about getting yourself some counseling? It's not ALL me, and lately, I'm finding out it's not me at ALL.

I miss Grace. I miss having her to cuddle up against at night, during the day, during the lost moments of my life. I miss her breath. I miss her tail banging out happiness on the bed. I miss, even, having her drag me outside in the subzero temps at 2 in the morning. I miss her strength, her poise, her steady gaze.

And the plain ol' fact that she was my reason for living.

Read Blight + Who?

2005-12-11T18:59:00.000-05:00

Bottomless is the new black.

I saw a bumpersticker today, not for the first time: all gave some, some gave all.

And I can't get this out of my mind, for good reasons, and bad, in equal measures:

’cause I got too much life,
Running through my veins, going to waste.
I don’t wanna die,
But I ain’t keen on living either.

Robbie Williams|Feel

Cogito ergo sum

2005-11-13T05:40:00.000-05:00

I am a wannabe.

Nothing more.
Nothing less.

If I could,
I would.

But I can't,
and I won't.

But I want to.

I'm exhausted.
I think too fast,
and do
too little.

So I called.

2005-09-10T09:19:00.000-04:00

And I googled him.
And I checked his Match.com profile, and saw that it was active w/in 24 hours.
For what purpose? He has my phone number.

I should go to M's mom's funeral.

To get out of the house.

I have to remember I have a life.
I had one before.

And I have one, still.

Grace will take care of me.

This was mis-posted from Labor Day 9.5.05

2005-09-05T23:59:00.000-04:00

Burned.
Once bitten, twice shy.
Burned by the sun, hanging by a slim thread.
I cannot know the inner workings of the Br. in my life. I can know what is said, but I temper that with some bit about analysis. That perhaps he might be too analytical.
I spent two days with him, two very intimate days. An overnight, against my better judgment. But I decided to try something very different.
Romance. The word "man" is in romance. I don't find that to be too coincidental.
Should I stay or should I go?
Should I call (again?) or should I no?

Or do I know?

Hurry back
Hurry back
Don't take it away from me
Because you don't know
What it means to me.

Happy 59th birthday, Freddie Mercury.
You are far from missed here.

Independence 2005 (Something to Say...)

2005-07-04T21:41:00.000-04:00

iBirth

When I was at your doorstep
and you told me to look around, said:
"come in, you, and your heart, sit down."

That is so much the George Michael lyric that is flowing through my mind lately. The song is either "Something to Say" or "Something to Save"...I'm too lazy to go to to check the lyrics, even though the site is phenomenal.

I'm kinda being stood up at the moment, and I don't know why I'm saying kinda because one either is being stood up or isn't. So I guess I am. Another one of those electronically-facilitated situations. We met this morning, and that was after spending several hours (yes, hours) on the phone yesterday. He called, we spoke for hours, and then I felt funny that it was long-distance for him (no free nights and weekends there!) so I terminated, and called back after I showered and all that. We met at M/Waterbury, and I thought had a relatively fun hour in each other's company. I can never tell. The movie came and went as 7:15p rolled into 16, 17, 18 etc. I should have gone by myself.

Same with Saturday. Don't bring a friend if you don't want to have to share the conversation. L. was hardly on up for initiating conversations, and while responsive, he certainly wasn't all that into serving. Anyone can return a ball, not everyone has a great serve. I have a great serve. And I'm not even talking about tennis. Then it was even stranger when he said something about my drinking and questioned whether or not it really was non-alcoholic beer (it was, all night) and I must have been interested in his friend because I was speaking to him. Yeah. Fuck off. The friend was running scrimmage, so you shouldn't have brought him, or shouldn't have had him bring you, which was more the case. But L. couldn't go out on his own. Strikingly handsome though, with the most beautiful brown eyes. Last time I saw those was Grace. Odd the brown eyes I think are the most beautiful are from a dog and not a human. L. had eyes which rivaled hers, but the love I saw in hers I will never see again. Anywhere.

I almost adopted a greyhound on Sunday. M. said there was a greyhound adoption being sponsored in Avon at PetCo. It never happened on Sunday, it was on Saturday. Good thing I didn't know. I took a leash to M's house in anticipation.

I connected prior to that in Prospect. It was the usual. Well, not usual for me, but I think it was for R. Just lay back and let him have all the fun. With a television screen the size of who knows what...that the porn looked like there were guys in the room having a group session. Either way, I was watching it as a moving billboard rather than anything else.

Had my car done at F's on Friday. That was kinda expected as I wanted a tune-up and knew the brakes had to be done. The tally was $556. And I know I got a break. That was the reason I decided not to go to Boston, as I'm going up for MacWorld anyway in a week. The true irony is that the video store across the street was selling the stock of their companion store for $2/tape or $6/DVD. I scored over 25 movies or so. Three John Waters movies, several gay titles (independent films, not porn), and classic titles...AND "Albino Alligator." That alone is strange. I'd been thinking about the movie and how I wanted to pick up a copy...and there it was, for $2. Some things are meant to be.

Speaking of which: the steal of the century. I admit it: I swapped the tags. M/Wethersfield. Originally $1200 for the clearance price of $18. What are you gonna do? It was too beautiful for words. P. and I laughed like hell. Guilty? Slightly. Well, feeling that way. I think it was more after the fact than during.

Live8 was ok. There were some powerful moments. I think the most powerful moment was the film of "the baby who had less than 10 minutes to live" and she's here with us today...she was so gorgeous she made Iman look quite handicapped. At once it was like a game show ("And here's Johnny!") Madonna said "fuck" and then apologized, and I thought that was really ironic. She must be getting older...she actually apologized!d Funny. Her performance was lackluster. Even she said post-performance that she wasn't really in "concert" mode. Nice, Madge. Why? No money changing hands?

That really frosted my cake. After seeing all the people involved, and then seeing the crowds, why they didn't charge something for the admission is beyond me. The trash left in the wake of the concerts was staggering. That shouldn't have happened either. Everyone should have taken their own junk with them.

I wonder a few things about the concerts held throughout the world:

1. How much food was wasted?
2. How many people were wasted?
3. How many people scored good drugs just for the occasion?
4. How much dope was scored for the Pink Floyd set? Ya think?

All in the name of charity.
It's a coat you wear, twice a year.
And you scream from behind the door,
say "what's mine is mine, and not yours."
But I had too much, so I'll take my chances,
'cause God's not keeping score...

George Michael.
Listen Without Prejudice.

Romeo + Julio?

2005-07-04T21:32:00.000-04:00

I'm wondering what's with my attraction to these heterosexual love stories lately?
Could it be that they are the only ones around and that I don't really have an option in the gay world to watch something else? That there is no happily-ever-after? No house? No white picket fence?

I'm noticing all the guys who are saying they are bi lately. So what the fuck? So will I. does it kill anything? No. It's all in someone else's fantasy. Everyone looking "for same" to the point where I wonder if there are enough of copy machines left in the world. How is the Xerox stock doing? Is there a shortage of mirrors or anything?

I'm wondering if I should be off the medication. There's a slight physical pull to every emotion I'm having that transcends the norm, for me. The taptaptap of the coming anxiety attack it a bit much. And the pull of depression is more than I can handle.

I hear the bombs bursting in air. Is there a rockets red glare? Some orange glow?

Whoever the guy is in this movie ("The Last Time I Committed Suicide") he has the most beautiful lips. it's getting harder and harder for me to look at another man when the eyes are so close to the lips. I have this uncanny ability to actually focus intently on the eyes and have my gaze drift down to the lips, without them knowing.

I made out with a stranger on Saturday night/Sunday morning. Some blonde. I started it, and while it happened somewhat accidentally, it happened. It's what scared him off. I kept thinking of L. He had beautiful lips.

I think I'm going to start keeping my life virtual and only the real can cross the lines. Anything which begins digitally seems to get defragged very easily. Like a disc passing too close to a magnet. It should have been burned to a CD or DVD rather than downloaded on a Zip.

Funny in a painful kind of way to watch Keanu Reeves playing the pathetic friend to Neil. And having the girl plead into the phone how much she misses even saying his name...

It's painful. Especially at the moment.

(sometimes good fortune follows those who least deserve it...)

The sound of a phone which doesn't ring is deafening.
It's growing again. Like a seedpod in a water glass.

Independence 2005 (Something to Say...)

2005-07-04T21:09:00.000-04:00

When I was at your doorstep
and you told me to look around, said:
"come in, you, and your heart, sit down."

That is so much the George Michael lyric that is flowing through my mind lately. The song is either "Something to Say" or "Something to Save"...I'm too lazy to go to to check the lyrics, even though the site is phenomenal.

I'm kinda being stood up at the moment, and I don't know why I'm saying kinda because one either is being stood up or isn't. So I guess I am. Another one of those electronically-facilitated situations. We met this morning, and that was after spending several hours (yes, hours) on the phone yesterday. He called, we spoke for hours, and then I felt funny that it was long-distance for him (no free nights and weekends there!) so I terminated, and called back after I showered and all that. We met at M/Waterbury, and I thought had a relatively fun hour in each other's company. I can never tell. The movie came and went as 7:15p rolled into 16, 17, 18 etc. I should have gone by myself.

Same with Saturday. Don't bring a friend if you don't want to have to share the conversation. L. was hardly on up for initiating conversations, and while responsive, he certainly wasn't all that into serving. Anyone can return a ball, not everyone has a great serve. I have a great serve. And I'm not even talking about tennis. Then it was even stranger when he said something about my drinking and questioned whether or not it really was non-alcoholic beer (it was, all night) and I must have been interested in his friend because I was speaking to him. Yeah. Fuck off. The friend was running scrimmage, so you shouldn't have brought him, or shouldn't have had him bring you, which was more the case. But L. couldn't go out on his own. Strikinginly handsome though, with the most beautiful brown eyes. Last time I saw those was Grace. Odd the brown eyes I think are the most beautiful are from a dog and not a human. L. had eyes which rivaled hers, but the love I saw in hers I will never see again. Anywhere.

I almost adopted a greyhound on Sunday. M. said there was a greyhound adoption being sponsored in Avon at PetCo. It never happened on Sunday, it was on Saturday. Good thing I didn't know. I took a leash to M's house in anticipation.

I connected prior to that in Prospect. It was the usual. Well, not usual for me, but I think it was for R. Just lay back and let him have all the fun. With a television screen the size of who knows what...that the porn looked like there were guys in the room having a group session. Either way, I was watching it as a moving billboard rather than anything else.

Had my car done at F's on Friday. That was kinda expected as I wanted a tune-up and knew the brakes had to be done. The tally was $556. And I know I got a break. That was the reason I decided not to go to Boston, as I'm going up for MacWorld anyway in a week. The true irony is that the video store across the street was selling the stock of their companion store for $2/tape or $6/DVD. I scored over 25 movies or so. Three John Waters movies, several gay titles (independent films, not porn), and classic titles...AND "Albino Alligator." That alone is strange. I'd been thinking about the movie and how I wanted to pick up a copy...and there it was, for $2. Some things are meant to be.

Speaking of which: the steal of the century. I admit it: I swapped the tags. M/Wethersfield. Originally $1200 for the clearance price of $18. What are you gonna do? It was too beautiful for words. P. and I laughed like hell. Guilty? Slightly. Well, feeling that way. I think it was more after the fact than during.

Live8 was ok. There were some powerful moments. I think the most powerful moment was the film of "the baby who had less than 10 minutes to live" and she's here with us today...she was so gorgeous she made Iman look quite handicapped. At once it was like a game show ("And here's Johnny!") Madonna said "fuck" and then apologized, and I thought that was really ironic. She must be getting older...she actually apologized!d Funny. Her performance was lackluster. Even she said post-performance that she wasn't really in "concert" mode. Nice, Madge. Why? No money changing hands?

That really frosted my cake. After seeing all the people involved, and then seeing the crowds, why they didn't charge something for the admission is beyond me. The trash left in the wake of the concerts was staggering. That shouldn't have happened either. Everyone should have taken their own junk with them.

I wonder a few things about the concerts held throughout the world:

1. How much food was wasted?
2. How many people were wasted?
3. How many people scored good drugs just for the occasion?
4. How much dope was scored for the Pink Floyd set? Ya think?

All in the name of charity.
It's a coat you wear, twice a year.
And you scream from behind the door,
say "what's mine is mine, and not yours."
But I had too much, so I'll take my chances,
'cause God's not keeping score...

George Michael.
Listen Without Prejudice.

My Motto, for life.

2005-06-15T21:50:00.000-04:00

I just had this flash. And it has nothing to do with Macromedia.

I never had a "life philosophy" and now I do.

Saving the world. One orange at a time.

Yep.

Care to challenge me?

Come up with something better?

Disconnected.

2005-06-05T20:59:00.000-04:00

No music today. Apple is going to rue the day I became a client. The DSL is down in the house, and it seems everything is against me. I'm a bit hyped up because I smell something coming around the corner, and I'm not sure if I should be happy about it or otherwise. Either way, I don't want to stress over it. That's pointless.

The museums in Philadelphia (The Phiadelphia Museum of Art, The Rodin, The Mutter) were all something else. Rodin really is amazing. The Gates of Hell, which I'm sure I've seen before, are amazing. The Thinker is amazing, but "The Shades" got me the most. "Adam" also. Serious "pathos" in everything.

Famous paintings too. The Van Gogh sunflowers, Toulous-Latrec's "Moulin Rouge" (which actually hung over the bar! at the Mouin Rouge), a deChirico, Warhols, a few I recognized, and definitely names.

Looks like I'll be buying the farm for the summer. Don't know how I feel about that. It will be good to be active, but it will be a new place and a new schedule, and I don't really fancy nights during the summer. Or Fridays.

McGH wants me and that's frightening. Also I'm supposed to getting a description for some courses...but there is a hesitancy there because nothing's carved in stone. All that work and I could get screwed. Can't say I'd be surprised...

Damn iPod. Apple won't cover a cracked screen, which I didn't do. I have NO IDEA how it "cracked" and they won't repair/replace, and the news today said there's a serious glut of iPods out there...

As they say "I've just begun to fight" and you can fight city hall.

Hear that Steve?

Memorial Day 2005

2005-05-30T11:08:00.000-04:00

And the "unofficial" start of Summer 2005.

The sky is green and the trees are blue. Long may she wave.
I can no longer tell the difference between the SciFi Channel and CNN. I just know that Anderson Cooper doesn't make guest appearances on the Sci Fi Channel. The line between the two channels is getting thinner and thinner and thinner...

We could (all) be heroes.
Just for one day.
David Bowie.

Let today be that day,
and let today be the beginning of a new train of thought.

I want the Summer of 2005 to be the Summer of the Hero.
We are so desperately in need of heroes.

No celebrities. No reality show wannabe stars.
The common man, doing the slightest of positive deed,
for his fellow man. Or woman.

Will be a hero. Just for one day.

Much more later today.
I've been irresposible, busy, lax, and thinking.
The thinking is for here.

And for good or for bad,
it will be here.
All of it.

It's 2a.m.

2005-05-23T17:04:00.000-04:00

And I've been reading, writing, and 'rithmeticing all night long.
Went to the Met for the 5th time to see REVELATIONS.
JL took my photo next to CURLERS, TWINS, and the flagship neg at the entry.
I'll have to post them.
Song for the day?

Cuba. The Gibson Brothers.

Something funky happened to the screen in my iPod.
All I did was carry it on my belt all day.
If it doesn't clear, at least I have the AppleCare for iPod.
How do I get the 2,801 songs off???

(Cissy) Houston, we have a problem...
Think it over....

Just for one day...

2005-05-22T00:16:00.000-04:00

Now playing: Just For One Day (We Could Be Heroes) David Guetta v. David Bowie

A reasonably good day. Saw Frank at the garage. Good to see him after a long absence. We don't make it to the gym at all lately because of my hectic schedule. I opt for some sleep and still bounce early for school. Last night was graduation. I had no idea one of mine was a clone. Nice thought. The other half was hotter. It was nice to see some people I had a hand in educating pass from this life to the next; even nicer when they proffered that I was the best teacher they'd had, or that we'd had a good ride. Never got that when I graduated. Makes a big difference I think. Went to East Side Cafe afterwards. I had two ODouls and a burger. It wasn't as much fun as I thought it was going to be...a bit too stiff. I don't think people should be sitting down around a table. That's not conducive to mixing. It's so "old folks." Hot guy on the SciFi Channel. Who just got torched. The SciFi Channel is definitely known for its eye-candy at least as far as they guys are concerned. I think it's a great way/avenue for a male model to make the transition from runway to food-chain. In more ways than one.

Managed to get nine free iTunes today. All the good stuff lately is remixed versions of great 80s stuff, like HEROS, IT'S MY LIFE, TROY... I managed to find some iMixer who had great recommendations on trance and other dance stuff that's more in tune with today, and I enjoyed it, so my taste is expanding. The "manager" in Rite Aid in Naugatuck said I couldn't keep the doors to the cooler open that long, and that I wasn't going to win anything anyway. Right, and wrong.

I found an external Iomega Zip Drive on the clearance table at Staples for $79 today...and then there was a $20 on-line rebate for it...and it had 4 100mb Zip Discs with it...and they were usually $10/disc. So I think I made out. I needed an external for my laptop. And I also get 15% off my next/first on-line purchase at IOmega. So I think I'll get a 2gig FlashDrive or something similar.

A few inquiries in my matchbox today. We'll see how far they go. All relatively close, one in Naugatuck. We will see what happens with them anyway. I'm not terribly proactive on them, but I do keep the balls in the air.

I was turned down for the forebearance on my student loan. I guess I'm not "twisted" enough. I did get a "further interest warranted" on the Three Rivers Community College application. Norwalk – Norwich? That's spinning the state on its axis. I don't know if I'd like to move. Closer to Providence. Permanent job. Greyhounds.

New York tomorrow, to see REVELATIONS for the fifth time, with JL. DV told me that Nicole Kidman is slated to play Diane Arbus in FUR, with Robert Downey, Jr...as Marvin Israel? Either way, a brilliant stroke for Nicole. You go girl!

Funny how I find myself in love with you...

Now playing: It's My Life: Liquid People v. Talk Talk & Talk Talk

Teacher I need you...

2005-05-20T15:02:00.000-04:00

Now playing: Change: Tears for Fears

School. Talk about needing change. Norwich. It's one thing to have your shoulder looked over, but you cannot have your mind looked over, or into. Even if you are a psychic.

Mid-terms. Over. At least the administration...well, one student left (hurry up already...) (?) (Flatter yourself.) I don't really know which way to go with this one, and it is a quandry. MM was problematic at one point, then it turns out we are friends some 13 years later; same with JL, and he and I are seeing each other on Sunday, after 5 years (he's a little slow...I had to stay on him about it...he just says "things are different" and if he knew how that phrase grated on my nerves, he'd not say that. Like pushing one of the buttons on my personal cell phone of annoyances. (walking down the street shooting people that I meet with my rubber tommy water gun...) Funny. Johnny Cash is now singing "Personal Jesus" and I remember taking Jesus to see Depeche Mode and they sang "Personal Jesus" and I was with him too. It was kinda weird.

Class, especially this Word class, is giving me the only ulcer, for several reasons. There are so many different reasons. There are the easy people who just come in, and are pleasant, do their work, catch on, and hand stuff in, and go. There are also the confrontational ones who busy themselves with "other" activities (cell phones, hallway watching et al), and then the ones who can't even write a generic letter ("come to me, run to me, do, and be done with me...cold, cold, cold....") without assistance. Then there's the ticking Rolex in the class. The one I never expect, who is always lurking somewhere. The one I've learned to dread after MM and that whole experience. It was my first time as a teacher, and I did what I thought was right, and in the long run, it turned out ok (after all, he did get the Murrow two years in a row, nationally) but in terms of what it did to me personally, I could have gone without most of it. Even though he still has a spot in my heart, there was a great deal of roughness to it all. I guess I'd do it all again, but you must take the good with the bad. Same with the huevo. I'm scared that I'm making a mistake of grand proportions, and yet I want to not make a mistake and yet one never knows when one meets good people, and how one meets good people. And if he is good people. I have a hunch he is good people, but there is a small part of me that wants to think that I should just relax and get over this all. I guess I will just find out in the long run, and I hope it's not part of the school of hard knocks.

Now playing: Troy (there is no other Troy for me to burn, out...)

iBridge

2005-05-17T14:42:00.000-04:00

Now playing: To Cut a Long Story Short: Spandau Ballet

Jay's funeral was yesterday, and I ended up subbing two classes, on top of the two I was already teaching. I was furious the priest wouldn't permit a eulogy, but I took care of him at the cemetery. My tongue became quite the razor blade. I was later told it wasn't any of my business, but it was my business. For the Catholic Church to start doing away with eulogies? Don't get me started. No time for eulogies because we need more time to molest children in the back.

I found a headstone with Lilies of the Valley growing, and for me that was a rarity. I picked a few; one went to Ida and Jay, the other to Mickey's mom and dad, who were in the neighborhood.

Teaching yesterday was trying. Especially the EC150 class. I've got them on track with a great project, but it's worse than beating a dead horse. So I end up speaking about phishing, pharming, and what I invented "phast" cash...quick money made by illegal means on the Internet.

You heard it here first.

More later. Class beckons.

Now playing: Love On Your Side: Thompson Twins

Now playing: Phyllis Nelson: I Like You.

2005-05-15T20:19:00.000-04:00

Yeah. The best. Backstreet, mid- to late-80s. The long version too. Found on iTunes courtesy of Pepsi, DIET Pepsi, thank you very much. But I may have had to get Sierra Mist or Mountain Dew or something equally poisonous just to get the FREE SONG which you COULD SEE by angling the bottle BEFORE your purchased it (THANK YOU PEPSI!) so my odds were 100% and not the horrible 1/3 which were advertised.

People always said I lived in my own little world. How true. And false.

You are now invited to be part of "my little world" and you are about to find out that my "little" world isn't that little at all.

My middle initial is "m" and I could never stand my middle name (thanks mom and dad, especially dad) which is, well, shall remain as an "m" for all the pharmers and phishers out there...let's just say I choose MERCURY in honor of the late, and still great FREDDIE MERCURY! The ultimate communicator. I am now Mr. Multi-Media-Mercury....Mercury, for short.

So yeah. I called this "the birth" because this is the birth of my blog-life, my b-life, my blife.

Those who know me will sit up and cheer, will jump up and say "yeah! it's about time..."

Those who don't will come to look at my posts as addictive as an episode of Dark Shadows (the sixties gothic soap opera...all other "goth" can't pale by comparison. This is the palest!) FMD will say it's about time, PJH will not be told about this, and, quite possibly, you will come to know all the players. That will make it even more interesting.

Thanks to CEP for the two pages a day...it's been haunting me. And for the invite to the gmail. Which I should use more liberally. I couldn't live these days without my lifeline to the publishing world A?K, and he is rapidly earning a place on my dedication page, because he is single-handedly showing me the importance of books and publishing and writing, something I take for granted. Grace, you are never forgotten, and every day, you add to my life. More people know about you now than did when you were on this planet with me. Thanks for sticking around and making me a better man. And for BGA...I haven't seen you in a few weeks, and the going's been tough, but I keep your wisdom close at hand, closer to heart, and in mind.

Now playing: Nicole Kidman, Meet You In the Red Room (Moulin Rouge)